Gaby Elise
originally published in volume 13
Writer_ James Oliver
Photography_ Jan Stasiuk
@gabyelise
PETSEMATARY, Toothpaste, Oxford University — Gaby Elise leads a very busy London life. Luckily for us, she made time to talk all things music, and let us into her past, present and future...
First of all, how was your summer?
My summer was pretty wild. From working at the Great Frog in Soho to basically becoming a resident bar gremlin and karaoke host at my local dive bar Blondies in Lower Clapton, it was pretty much the most fast-paced I’ve ever lived.
Can you tell us a bit about yourself — your childhood and how you got to where you are today?
My upbringing is a difficult thing to talk about and I think you can see a lot of those more difficult topics arise in my songwriting. I’ve been through quite a lot of trauma, so whilst talking about it directly can be triggering, I’ve always used music as a medium to work out those more complex feelings and express myself in a way which I am unable to do through merely talking. Aside from the more enigmatic side I had a pretty intense religious and academic education at an all-girls Catholic Grammar school in North London. The school put a pretty gross amount of pressure on its students to be high achieving, mental health just was not a consideration. It really was just do everything to succeed, so my youth was filled with a lot of studying/mental breakdowns/ undiagnosed mental illness that later played out as a young adult. Aside from that, my mum always encouraged me to make art and encouraged me to pick up the guitar at the age of 9, so fortunately I’ve always had support from that side to nurture my creativity. My first guitar was baby pink and I absolutely hated going to lessons, but as I got older, I really valued having a creative education that allowed me to express myself. I was probably about 14 when I first wrote a “song” and I’m pretty sure it was about a girl who was horrible to me at my school. I never performed it, but having the power to express myself and work through those feelings is something that has been endlessly empowering and freeing to me. It’s addictive, and it’s why I have never stopped.
What kind of music are you into? Who inspired you when you were younger?
I think every music lover hates this question. I love everything from Elliott Smith to Darkthrone. Jeff Buckley has always been an artist who has inspired me — the beauty and hauntedness of his voice, the vulnerability and poetry of his lyrics. Listening to his stuff really is just like hearing someone ripping open their chest and spilling their guts on the floor. What stands out to me is this kind of enigmatic and ethereal side of music, whether that be expressed through lyrics, vocals or soundscapes.
How would you describe your style as a musician?
Heavily reverberated oversharing. I tend to write chunks of words and chunks of guitar lines, and sometimes when I’m reciting one of those, either side will come together and it’ll form an idea or a hook. At other times, I’ll just come up with a really repetitive guitar line and start singing along to it, or I’ll dream up a guitar line and sing it until I can actually figure it out on the guitar. It varies constantly. I really am quite scattered.
Can you talk about your bands PETSEMATARY and Toothpaste?
Toothpaste is more of a quiet, dreamy and layered sound where I’m able to play a bit more with different soundscapes, but I take more of a backseat most of the time and let the singer Amol’s vocals and guitar take centrestage. PETSEM really is an extension of me. It’s me at my most vulnerable and my most exposed, where I’m able to sing my fucking heart out and say whatever I want. In terms of sound, it’s a lot more grungy and a lot more poppy — a lot of the songs subject-matter-wise are pretty fucking sad, but are actually pretty upbeat and uplifting in terms of their harmonics.
You’re pursuing a masters at Oxford soon. How will you find balance between that and your life as a musician?
A thing about me is always having to do a million things at one time, so it’s difficult but it’s always felt normal to me. I did a lot of music and shows as an undergraduate, which was a really intense experience, so if anything, I feel like I’ll have more space to create than I did when I was living the party girl lifestyle in London. Being overwhelmed is a given fact, but it’s also something that really drives me creatively.
How do you find living in London? How does it compare to life in Oxford?
I’m in love with London, particularly my cosy little home in East London which I was so lucky to find in Lower Clapton. But the fast-paced nature of it can be overwhelming. In London, I’m constantly meeting new groups of people, having wild experiences, doing things I probably shouldn’t be doing, and all of that is such a huge fuel for my art. I’ve had my heart broken a couple of times there in the past year, so that’s also a massive factor to play. Oxford, on the other hand, is homely but can feel isolating and at times a bit stale by way of comparison. But that gave me the breather I needed to really focus on myself, my mental health and my art. It’s like deciding whether to side with the wolf or the lamb. They’re two sides of the creative coin that I love, but too much of either one can be dangerous.
The music industry in general has a dodgy past and present when it comes to female artists. Do you feel as though this is changing?
By way of big institutions that are forming to directly tackle sexism in the music industry, I’m always going to feel a little sceptical as I know so much happens behind closed doors and really the main focus is always going to be making money, and companies will pander to whatever social movement is popular in the moment in order to capitalise off of it.
That being said, there are great communities of smaller independent promoters and musicians in the scene who do provide safe spaces for women to perform as well as to talk about abusers in the music scene. For safety purposes I won’t disclose who they are, but these groups really help us all stay aware and safe. It’s not about cancel culture but rather to spread awareness and solidarity to vulnerable women in the scene.
Are both of your bands signed? Do you think label is necessary these days?
PETSEM is currently signed to a great DIY label, Beth Shalom Records. I wouldn’t say labels are super necessary for smaller acts as you really can do a lot of stuff by yourself, but there is something really nice about being affiliated not just with the label but also with the other artists on the label. Each act brings something new to the table and it feels good to be part of that community. It also feels really good to have the support of a label like BSR especially during my classic Gab moments of thinking that all of my music and art is shit, it just makes me think, actually you know what, maybe I am good at what I do.
What does the future hold for you?
I hope I always get to play shows. This whole pandemic year was really like having a limb removed in terms of that and it feels so good to be performing again. There’s something really ethereal and enigmatic about just losing yourself on stage. It’s where I firmly feel like I’m living in the moment and living within my body, whereas at other times I can be easily distracted and away with the fairies.
Of course, I’d love to be able to continue to fund my music and so will always welcome opportunities to work and collaborate with labels and other artists, but is it the be all and end all for me? I don’t really think so. I just wanna keep making songs.